Shiver

Lately I haven't had a lot of attacks. However, I think I've actually gotten a lot worse. I might now have frightening attacks anymore, but I get really week. My chest feels like it's caved in and my heart gets really painful and heavy. My body goes kind of numb and I get shakes. Or I just can't support myself and my body starts giving out on me. I get really week and moving is painful.

I had one of these... Mm... Spells today before PE, so I haven't gone to work today. I think my teacher thought I was faking when I went to the sick room. I stayed there for third block and just... I dunno, had a silent meltdown in the dark. These spells are almost more frightening than the attacks. When I get one I feel like... Well, I feel like I'm dying. Like my body just can't sustain itself anymore.

It's not like I'm not eating right. I've cut out a lot of sugar from my diet and I've even cut down a lot on salts. The fattiest thing I eat lately is muffins, which aren't all that bad. I'm practically vegetarian, save for a little bit of fish or chicken at dinner. So it's not my diet. And I've started taking vitamins, so it isn't an imbalance...

My doctor pushed me back a week and a half. I'll have to wait. Originally I would have gone to see her today at lunch... Now I'm going to go see her in the evening on Wednesday, I think. And I'm going to the therapist in the evening on saturday and noon the following... Nn... I just want this to go away.

Care Bear started treatment today. Chemo. She said it was painful and she's tired now. I wish she had been able to see or at least hear me when I answered how my day had been... I kinda wanted her to call me out when I said "I'm fine" instead of her usual "that's good." OH well, it's fine. I just hope she feels better. I shouldn't trouble her, anyway, right?

Soup and I are entering the talent show, though, on a more positive note... February ninth. We're going to sing together. Probably "All About You" by Melanie C or "Little Hell" by City and Colour. I'd rather the later, but she's against the pauses in the song, saying that it would be awkward. I think it's fine, but I shouldn't argue. I like both songs, anyway, so it doesn't matter, and I know the words to "All About You" better.

Well... 'till next time.