I don't even really know who I am to myself. I wonder if Rain really loves me. I know he does. But I'm in a mood, so I wonder. I haven't got the best skin, I'm a weird height and weirder proportions. I'm doughy. I'm weak. I mumble. I have mood swings. I'm greedy. I rarely give back what I take from him. He goes completely out of his way for me.
What do I even have to offer him? Nothing, really. A hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, a safe place to stay, an open ear. That's not a lot. Anyone else could give him the same. Anyone else could do it better.
And what do I give my friends? Friends... Such a strange word. And with so many definitions. From a stranger to a brother in all but blood. And it's a term that's so loosely used, as well.
So I'll rephrase: What do I give to those important to me? Nothing, not really. I just cause arguments where there don't need to be. Truly I'm nothing more than a burden. I complain too much, I take up space, I cause drama. I should just learn to stay by myself and cause people a lot less trouble.
I shouldn't be so spiteful, so quick to temper, or take things so personally. There's so many bad things about me. I'm a huge hypocrite and I never stop talking. I'll bet my voice is annoying; I certainly don't like it. I'm not good at idle chit chat and I don't stick to the social norm... I can't seem to just follow the rules of society. What's wrong with me? And my optimism just causes problems for others. I end up ditching people and leaving them floundering in the water in an act of self-preservation. Am I any better than an animal?
Again we see my hypocritical nature. I pride myself on being intellectual, yet I'm no better than... What? A wolf? They're far better than I. I'm worse than an animal, because that term in itself is stupid and highly inaccurate. Animals are extremely intelligent and much better than humans in many ways. A traitor to my race, that's what I am. But whatever. I'll just be a lone wolf.
"What if I can't be all that you need me to be?"
... I should shut up. Reading this must be a bother.
Quit that talking. Inside you, you have no doubts about me, I am here to give you support, like im pretty sure i have many times before. You are more then just a hand and shoulder to me, Your someone ive connected with, one of the rare few my heart (being a stubborn bastard) has chosen, and more importantly, someone I can wake up for in the morning and go to bed at night knowing that you wont leave me like any other. You are someone to go out of my way for, someone to try for, and if you did as much for me as i did for you, I would be baffled, Im not expecting it, nor am i asking for it, I want you to stay who you are, because who you are is everything i love.
ReplyDeleteI know... And I don't doubt you, I just doubt myself sometimes. And you have, so many times, all the time really. And I love you, too. <3
ReplyDeleteWwwwwwweeeeeeellllllllll, What else am i here for rather then to remove your inner doubt and allow you to achieve great things without slowing yourself down? Comeon, Im Rain, let me bring you up into the clouds with me from down on the ground
ReplyDeleteAnd just like the rain you wash away all my worries and give me a fresh start~. ^_^
ReplyDeleteRemember Persephone, without Rain, flowers dont grow, hahahahaha, i like that one, Im smart ^_^
ReplyDeleteHahaha you dork xD But that's still true...~
ReplyDeleteYeah.....Im a dork sometimes.......I should probably stop talking before the reputation that you have created for me is completely destroyed by my retardedness :/
ReplyDeleteYou realize now that I have to make an entry on all the dorky/nerdy/etc. things about you and how much I love them, right?
ReplyDeletewell.....im waiting?
DeleteAaaaand you shall continue to wait ;) I've done too much blogging today
ReplyDelete