Truth

I don't know what's wrong with me. Something. Something with my head, something with my body. I should probably start seeing the shrink again. I have Rain, but I'm losing Sophie. By no fault other than my own. I want to talk to her, but I don't know what about. If I text, it doesn't feel personal enough, so I can't bring myself to do it. If I call, her mom will probably get mad at her for being on the phone, or she won't have the time. I want to hang out with her, but she's probably busy with her boyfriend and his friends. I want to be in her life, but I don't know if I can.

Does that even make sense?

Not really. I'm just being stupid. But I'm honestly scared to talk to her. I feel like I keep destroying the fragile relationship we have and every time I try to fix it, I'm just digging a grave for it.

My eyes are sore all the time, like there's tears waiting to fall. The slightest thing makes me cry. I don't know what's wrong with me. Writing this is making my eyes hurt. I want to cry, but I can't seem to let myself.

I always talk to Sophie at the wrong times. She's my go-to when I'm happy and I can't talk to her when I'm sad, because I feel like I'll be bothering her with it. I don't talk to her enough, because I'm not happy often enough, and that's just...

My train of thought just crashed. I don't even know what I'm doing.

I'm just fucking things up, aren't I?

'Till next time, I guess. I don't even know who I'm writing to anymore.