Blue

So, I'm having a not-so-good-day. As in horrible-awful-fuck-my-life kind of day. Let me explain...

My morning ritual was knocked horribly off balance. Woke up at five for whatever reason. Manage to fall asleep again an hour and a half later. My alarm goes off at seven thirty and I wake up with a killer migraine, but, blessedly, I manage to turn my alarm off in a fraction of a second and snuggle back into my pillows. Then mom comes in and starts talking to me, asking why my alarm hasn't gone off, and a bunch of other useless crap that nobody needs to fucking know. Alarm goes off again. I turn it off. Then she goes on about how I have to get up, how I have school today, how she will get me strawberries, blah blah blah. Bunch of useless crap I wasn't listening to. I had a migraine, my head was literally throbbing. I could feel the pressure on my skull like there was something in there and it bloody wanted out. She finally goes away after two more rounds of the alarm. I finally, finally snuggle back down into my covers. Alarm goes off way too soon. There's no more snooze option. Fuck.

Climb out of bed, go to the bathroom... Can't walk in a straight line, everything's blurry. Morning routine, feel extremely self-conscious about my weight and body instead of being confident like I lately have been. Probably because when I was all happy the other day and feeling skinny, my mom asked how much I weighed. I told her and she was all, "Well, I suppose that's alright." Kinda crushed my soul there, mom...

So, yeah, the high I got from being told I should be a model a few days ago was kinda shot in the face, stabbed, mutilated, and mutated. Then tossed in the trash and dumped down an incinerator and the ashed fed to rabid howler monkeys.

... Seriously, that's how I feel today about my happiness. Everything is so much worse, just because I'm so unamused by life.

Anyway, taking my shower! It's awesome, feeling some optimism... Shower curtain flies open and Oh! Look! it's mom. The fuck does she want now? I didn't even listen to her, just stood there awkwardly covering myself while she prattled about something or other. Finally she left... Wash my hair. Oh, there she is again! Least she brought me a strawberry... As I'm enjoying it she's acting like I'm four years old, which ruined the strawberry for me. Going on about when I was little. Thanks for reminding me of the good ol' days, mom, when I wasn't so fucking screwed up.

She left, finally. Get to go back to showering. I'm shaving and she's there AGAIN and I almost cut myself numerous times. Dumb bitch, don't distract me while I have a knife in my hand. Jesus. She knows how easily I get cut. Survived, though. At least the next time she came to disrupt my shower she didn't fling the curtain open again. Just said goodbye in an annoyingly happy voice.

Happy people piss me the fuck off when I'm in a bad mood. If you didn't notice.

Go downstairs. Place is a mess. Clean it, eat. Foot hurts like Hell from the blister I got the other day. Rush through it all and finally get to school. Demeter stole my bookmark and I lost my place in the shitty novel. Hate Canadian authors. We're so uncreative up here in the north.

The mid-term was a bitch and hard as Hell. Well, only four of the questions were... But they were fucking hard. There was this one question that I couldn't figure out and it was worth 10% of the whole test. Fuck. So I probably did poorly. Dad will probably hit me again and go back on his word about leaving my school work alone. If he finds out my grade before the weekend, I probably won't get to spend time with Rain.

I seriously want to bawl at the thought of not being able to spend time with Rain. I really need some down time to just relax with somebody who I actually like being around and don't constantly screw up with. I do sometimes (no matter what he says), but it's a better track record than I seem to have lately.

Anyway... I have English homework to do. Less than I would've. I got a lot done in class... I'll do it after supper, or something. I really just don't have the energy for it right now. I don't even have the energy to complain. 'Course, Rain just got online, so that makes me feel better. I'll just let myself be cheered up by him.

'Till next time.

P.S. Rain, you don't even have to do anything. Whenever you say "hello," it cheers me up.