L-Word

I'm not sad. I'm very rarely sad, actually. I have a ton to be happy about. I'm spoiled by my mom and my dad's leaving me alone. I don't have to interact with grandpa if I don't want to. It's just parts of these people that make me upset which I blow up to so much more and complain about.

So my dad and grandpa are perverts. Other peoples' parents are perverts, too. I'm not the only one.

So, no, I'm not sad. I'm actually quite happy.

But I'm very, very lonely.

I have Rain. I have Cookie.

Who else do I have?

Poseidon... No. I don't have him anymore. I don't have my bear. Those memories from just last winter make my heart ache, but they'll never come back again. I can't go back to those nights talking well into morning on Skype and joking around about how lonely I was to make it a little less harsh.

Artemis? Memories of her are only last summer, just under a year ago. A year isn't very long. But isn't it? I don't have her, either way. Sometimes I'm close to Aphrodite, but in reality I am not. I'm not close to Abby, like I was a little while ago. Demeter has disappeared from the radar. Wolfe is too self-absorbed.

Friends through thick and thin? My ass.

... Maybe it's just me, though. I'm always distancing myself from people. Is that why I'm lonely? Because I can't let people in? Maybe it's just because I hate people. No, that's wrong. I don't hate people. I hate human nature. It's all the same, that self-preservation and self-obsession. And I hate it all, even if I'm guilty of it, as well.

I'm only human, after all.

Hell, what happened to me? I hate a lot of things about myself. I use to listen to people. I use to like people! I was always there for anyone who needed me. Now I just hate them. They can all fuck themselves.

'Cept Rain and Cookie, of course.

All those people on the other side of town... I've forgotten about them, practically. Stan and Lerch and Jaybird. I feel guilty for forgetting them. Lerch is nice enough. Stan is great to talk to. And I can do just about anything with Jaybird, even when she pushes me to the edge. But I never get to see them. So what does it matter?

Ah, my self-pitying rants. Sorry for filling this blog up with so much crap. Maybe I'll switch to Tumblr in the future. Probably easier. Can make short bursts of complaint. But that's what Twitter's for, right? People who Tweet usually have bad relationships. Or so the studies say. Regardless, I don't particularly like Twitter. Tumblr's nice, though, because it's kinda like Facebook, only annoying people don't constantly talk to you, since there's no chat. You can inbox, which is way better, in my mind.

What was I saying before going on a Tumblr-versus-Twitter-and-Facebook tangent? Oh, right. I'm just writing on here since it's better than crying alone. That's kinda what started this. I realized I hate crying alone, but I'm too prideful to cry in someone else's presence. I've only done it a couple times around Cookie. Twice around Rain, though I tried really hard to keep it in. Dunno what the Hell's wrong with me when I'm around him. I get too genuine.

Ha. I finally identified his lying voice. Everyone has one. He smiles instead of smirking, his eyes go flat, and his voice hitches in the middle slightly. Well, more toward the middle-end kind of part. It's similar to Artemis' lying voice. But she's much to stubborn to admit it when I call her out on it.

Anyway... I'm just gonna curl up in bed and wish I was young enough to have imaginary friends.

'Till next time.

P.S. Just disregard all of this, it's probably PMS on a stick.